Texty situations

I feel so much more modern writing this humor blog. It's way cooler than the humor columns I used to write for dusty old newspapers. Frankly, I'm glad not in that industry right at the moment. I have a deep and complete love for newspaper journalism and those who work in the field, but the economy has rocked an already struggling industry. It's almost as dead as Rod Blagojevich's political career (Don't cry to hard for the now-impeached B-Rod, though, as he seems to have a new career as a TV show guest. I'm sure Illinois citizens are seething about his recent media blitz. Soon they'll be paying him off to stay off camera).

Moreover, my move to the blog world gives me instant cyber cred, which I am in desperate need of. You see, I've mostly been left behind when it comes to the most utilized form of high-tech communicating: cell-phone texting.

Is he seriously writing a post about texting now? In 2009? OMG, ppl hv bn txting 4 lk 10 yrs now! Wht, is he lke 30 or smthing. LOL!

I do some texting, but I try to avoid it. My cell phone plan charges me 20 cents for each text read or sent. And given that I am a financially crafty individual (editor's note: unspeakably cheap), I keep my texting activities to a minimum. In fact, I request that my friends keep their text messages sent to me to 15 characters or less. I can read that much of a preview of the message for free! Take that Verizon!

But my lack of texting isn't helping my image any. Everybody texts. Blind people text more than I do. My coworker gets text messages all day long. And he looks so cool and important reading his new messages! Cell phones vibrating with the promise of a new, juicy text message are like the clipboards of the 1990s. Everybody looks more important when holding one.

Just to try and look cool, I've resorted to signing up for as many free texts as Verizon will send me, such as payment reminders. I always try to look really amused or surprised when I get one.

OMG, how pathetic! & I thot hz Ashlee Simpson obseshun wz bizR!

All this new texting brings up some interesting social quandaries. What messages are acceptable to relay by text? For instance, can you ask somebody out by text? I say yes. For one, nothing says you like somebody more than the knowledge that they might have spent up to 20 cents to avoid social awkwardness just to ask you out. And besides, if the recipient says no, you can always claim it was a sarcastic text. Since it's very difficult to read sarcasm in a text, it's the perfect cover!

"Oh, yeah, when I said you're really hot and if you don't go out with my I'll be totally crushed, I was just kidding. You didn't get that?"

But can you break up with somebody via text? I say no. If it's not acceptable according to Miley Cyrus, it's not acceptable for me (that goes for all things in life). That's the kind of thing you owe to your significant other to do in person. Or at least on Facebook.

Until I finally get a cell phone plan worthy of the 2000s, I'll probably be on the outside looking in on this texting culture. But feel free to text me feedback on my blogs as much as you want, in 15 characters or less. Believe me, it can be done.

"Hilarious!"
"U R so funny!"
"I liv 4 ur blog!"