Out in the cold alone

I used to think that people who said global warming was a myth were either the same polluters causing global warming in the first place or just plain wrong. But after the start of this winter, those people may be on to something.

Every winter is cold of course, but this winter seems colder than usual so far. Last week, we spent more time in the single and negative digits than above them. It was colder than Anne Coulter in a meat locker. And that’s pretty cold!

The cold temperatures have been especially hard on me for one single reason: I’m a huge wimp when it comes to dealing with the cold. I’ll be the first to admit it. I just can’t handle cold weather, and I always seem to feel colder than anyone else. Slap a pacifier in my mouth, because if you’re talking about dealing with cold weather, I’m a big, big baby.

This inability to stay warm made me realize something: I’m never going to be comfortably warm again until spring arrives. Maybe when I’m driving long distances, the heater at full blast will eventually warm my car up to an acceptable level. But other than that, I’m a Popsicle.

The insulation in the walls in my apartment seems to be about as thin as Kate Moss on a diet, so there is not much refuge from the cold at home. The Tribune office can get pretty cold too, as evidenced by the frost that was forming on the inside of the windows near my desk last week.

So I may not be comfortable again until at least March, but I must give credit to the people of Park County. Last Thursday in our “Look who’s talking” feature on the opinion page, the people on the street were downplaying the frigid temperatures like it was nothing when asked what they thought of the weather. Had I been asked the same question while standing outside, my answer would have read something like “(teeth chattering) It…It…It’s fffreeezing…(more teeth chattering, then fall to the ground and assume the fetal position).”

People in Park County don’t stay indoors to get away from the cold; they have Christmas parades in it! Whose idea was it to have a parade in the dead of winter? I actually went to the parade in Powell earlier this month, and it was so cold, as I approached Bent Street I saw a polar bear walking back towards his car, saying “you’re on your own.”

Maybe it won’t be as cold as it has been all winter long. But I’m not getting my hopes up. Fortunately, many Park County residents seem to be adept at handling the cold weather. For those that are, if you see a tall skinny guy on the sidewalk in the fetal position, if you could check to make sure he’s still breathing, he’d greatly appreciate it.

Not giving thanks alone this year

Last issue, you read what Tribune columnists Alison Stewart and Doug Blough had to be thankful for, and also on this page, you’ll read Don Amend’s take on the holiday. Never one to avoid a bandwagon, I have afew things to be thankful for (besides Ashlee Simpson) that I’d like to share with you.

Of course, I have the typical things to be thankful for, like having a roof over my head. Even though over the past month, that’s about all my apartment has provided at times. I live in a very old house converted into a duplex, and as me, my rooommate and our neighbor have found out, the electrical wiring leaves something to be desired. Since I am a thrifty person (editor’s note: unthinkably cheap) we’ve been trying to heat our house with space heaters instead of using the gas heater because of astronomically high natural gas prices. But as we’ve learned not once, not twice, but three times, a space heater is too much for our electrical grid to take. And once the power has been blown, it’s not as easy to fix as throwing the switches in our breaker box. It’s our neighbor’s breaker that controlls our side of the house, and our breaker that controls hers (don’t think about it too hard, your head might explode).

The third time it happened, we couldn’t get our neighbor to flip the right switch until the next morning, so I slept with two pairs of sweatpants, four shirts and four blankets to keep warm (I was still cold). And the next morning, I showered in the dark (when showering in the dark, make sure you know where the soap is at all times).

I am also thankful I get to spend Thanksgiving with some friends this year. To be honest, Thanksgiving isn’t that important of a holiday tome, but even I felt a little sad last year alone in my apartment. Sitting in front of the television, with an under-cooked frozen turkey
saturating it.

So I’m sure yesterday was better than last year. As for our Thanksgiving spread, it may not even measure up to last year’s frozen dinner. I think we’ll have the typical turkey and mashed potatoes and the like, but my friends’ and I collective cooking skills are about as strong as President Bush’s approval rating. I hope your Thanksgiving was as good as I’m sure mine will be. After all, anything is better than siting alone, in the dark because the power has blown again, wearing four shirts and eating tear-salted turkey.