If you see me around town this week and I seem to be in a particularly good mood, don’t worry. I’m not on anything. My high spirits will be a product of the culmination of an incredible comeback.
That’s right, Ashlee Simpson is back. As you regular readers of my column (editor’s note: he means his parents) likely remember, Ashlee is one of my favorite musicians. Even though I don’t own any of her music. It was her now completed MTV reality show, “The Ashlee Simpson Show,”that made me a fan for life. But after the final episode of the show aired last winter, I’ve basically lost touch with Ashlee. Her name never seemed to come up in the news, which, after the year she had, was probably a good thing.
As I’m sure most of you know, Ashlee had a less than favorable experience on Saturday Night Live last year when a backing track she was using to support her almost completely lost voice played the wrong song. Of course, the sensationalist media unfairly painted Ashlee as a lip syncher. Then, Ashlee was booed during her halftime performance at the Orange Bowl worse than Karl Rove at a CIA picnic.
After two embarrassing instances like that, nobody would be surprised if Ashlee’s career plummeted lower than the cut of her more famous sister Jessica’s shorts in The Dukes of Hazzard movie. But Ashlee is proving them all wrong. Her new album, "I Am Me" (a title so simple, yet so true), hit stores Tuesday, and is sure to be a huge hit. But before that could happen, Ashlee had to return to the scene of last year’s debacle.
Yes, the set of SNL. Most people in their right mind wouldn’t go back to a place with such bad memories. But Ashlee’s not like most people. She summoned all her courage and took the stage, this time with a healthy voice and no need for a backing track. And she belted out “Catch Me When I Fall” off her new album, which, as she briefly explained, was written following her first SNL experience. There probably wasn’t a dry eye in the studio following the performance (I’m not afraid to say I shed a few tears).
Though “The Ashlee Simpson Show” won’t be making a return on MTV, Ashlee made a one-time reappearance on the network recently with a special chronicling her 21st birthday celebration and private performance. Some things have changed, like her hair color, from black back to her natural blonde. I really liked her black hair, but sometimes, you have to return to your true self. I should know, as I dyed my own hair blonde not too long ago, in part to return to my earlier days when I had natural blonde hair (Ashlee and I are keeping it real).
With her album now released, Ashlee’s comeback is one of the most impressive in recent memory. (Maybe second only to Michael Brown, the ousted former director of FEMA. Somehow, after horribly and tragically mismanaging the federal government’s response to Hurricane Katrina, Brown was back being paid by the federal government as a consultant to find out what went wrong with the hurricane response. Seriously, can’t we find a better job for this guy? Since Bush can’t ever really get rid of a crony, and since Brown has a background with horses, can’t he muc kout the stalls at the ranch in Crawford? Brownie, you’re doing a heck of a job with that hay.)
In an article in the New York Daily News, Ashlee recognized who stood behind her (me), and who tried unsuccessfully to drive her out of the business. “It’s so weird,” Ashlee recalled. “I have awesome fans, and the people who were not nice to me after that SNL thing were, like, old men. They don’t listen to my music anyway, so it’s like, leave me alone!” I couldn’t have said it better myself. This fan will always have your back, Ash, even if you fall again. Us blondes have to stick together.
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Friday, October 07, 2005
Bowling for my bank account
Getting together with friends at the local bowling alley. The exhilaration of seeing that last pin teeter over for a strike. Inhaling two packs worth of second-hand smoke.
Yes, a night of league bowling can be a lot of fun. But don’t' have too much fun, and you better bring your checkbook (or a mortgage).
About a month ago, my co-workers and I joined a Thursday night bowling league. When they approached me to join, I thought "sure." I enjoy bowing and shouldn't turn down any social invitation. Little did I know the financial commitment I was making.
The first night of bowling costs $25. Ten dollars for three games and $15 for "membership" in some national bowling association. Each additional night is $10. Now that's a lot of money to roll a ball down a lane. And granted, it is fun, but I'd like to know where that money is going. Supposedly there will be a party at the end of the league (sometime in February or something), but I will believe that when I see it.
And get this; even if you can't make it for a week and can't find a substitute willing to pony up the money (yes, subs have to pay the one time $15 too), you still have to pay! What kind of racquet is this? And where is the money going? The lanes still look the same as they did back in 1945 or whenever this place was built. They take the name "Classic Lanes" quite literally. And there are only two employees that I can tell: The owner who distributes shoes and a lady at the food counter. I don't know where the money is going. It's not on the owner's wardrobe.
Given the bank breaking fees, you would think you could at least do what you want on the lanes. Not so. Bowlers are some of the most uptight people, and they take their customs very seriously. First and foremost, you better stay at least five feet away from the lane if someone on either side of you is getting ready to bowl, finishing a bowl or even thinking about bowling. Because if you are anywhere near them, you will throw off their entire concentration for at least 10 minutes.
I learned this the first night when I began approaching the balls but didn't even step up on to the lane and the guy preparing to bowl next to me had to step away, walk around the front part of the building and regain his composure before he could bowl. Then, after I failed to hit my fifth strike in a row, I fell to the lane dejected. The uptight bowler couldn't handle this either and told me to get off the lane when I was finished.
I mean seriously, this is bowling. A sport where the most accomplished members of our league are a fat guy whose crack shows every time he rolls and old ladies with blue hair who have to bring an oxygen tank with them to the lanes while they continue to smoke between rolls. How much concentration can this game really take?
And you can't touch the video screen, either. On the second night, I was trying to enter our team name (Which is "Headline Bowlers." Does that make us nerds?) on the screen, just for fun. But I pressed a wrong button. Before I knew it, a member of the team sharing the lane with us came up from behind me and said, "what do you think you're doing?" With the press of a few buttons, the screen was back to normal but our team name was still blank. "Sorry, I won't touch it anymore" I said with a trace of sarcasm in my voice. How annoyed this person who I originally thought was a man but later found out was a woman (I think there's a reason they don't go bowling on The OC) seemed with my antics. I'm surprised she didn't slap my hand with a ruler and send me to some sort of holding cell in the back for delinquents (I bet it exists).
As for the bowling, somehow our team is in third place overall out of eight teams. So I guess all the money spent will be worth it if we can claw our way to first place and beat all the uptight bowlers.
More likely, I'll get suspended for my behavior after I cough while someone is bowling. But I'll still have to pay the $10 a week.
Yes, a night of league bowling can be a lot of fun. But don’t' have too much fun, and you better bring your checkbook (or a mortgage).
About a month ago, my co-workers and I joined a Thursday night bowling league. When they approached me to join, I thought "sure." I enjoy bowing and shouldn't turn down any social invitation. Little did I know the financial commitment I was making.
The first night of bowling costs $25. Ten dollars for three games and $15 for "membership" in some national bowling association. Each additional night is $10. Now that's a lot of money to roll a ball down a lane. And granted, it is fun, but I'd like to know where that money is going. Supposedly there will be a party at the end of the league (sometime in February or something), but I will believe that when I see it.
And get this; even if you can't make it for a week and can't find a substitute willing to pony up the money (yes, subs have to pay the one time $15 too), you still have to pay! What kind of racquet is this? And where is the money going? The lanes still look the same as they did back in 1945 or whenever this place was built. They take the name "Classic Lanes" quite literally. And there are only two employees that I can tell: The owner who distributes shoes and a lady at the food counter. I don't know where the money is going. It's not on the owner's wardrobe.
Given the bank breaking fees, you would think you could at least do what you want on the lanes. Not so. Bowlers are some of the most uptight people, and they take their customs very seriously. First and foremost, you better stay at least five feet away from the lane if someone on either side of you is getting ready to bowl, finishing a bowl or even thinking about bowling. Because if you are anywhere near them, you will throw off their entire concentration for at least 10 minutes.
I learned this the first night when I began approaching the balls but didn't even step up on to the lane and the guy preparing to bowl next to me had to step away, walk around the front part of the building and regain his composure before he could bowl. Then, after I failed to hit my fifth strike in a row, I fell to the lane dejected. The uptight bowler couldn't handle this either and told me to get off the lane when I was finished.
I mean seriously, this is bowling. A sport where the most accomplished members of our league are a fat guy whose crack shows every time he rolls and old ladies with blue hair who have to bring an oxygen tank with them to the lanes while they continue to smoke between rolls. How much concentration can this game really take?
And you can't touch the video screen, either. On the second night, I was trying to enter our team name (Which is "Headline Bowlers." Does that make us nerds?) on the screen, just for fun. But I pressed a wrong button. Before I knew it, a member of the team sharing the lane with us came up from behind me and said, "what do you think you're doing?" With the press of a few buttons, the screen was back to normal but our team name was still blank. "Sorry, I won't touch it anymore" I said with a trace of sarcasm in my voice. How annoyed this person who I originally thought was a man but later found out was a woman (I think there's a reason they don't go bowling on The OC) seemed with my antics. I'm surprised she didn't slap my hand with a ruler and send me to some sort of holding cell in the back for delinquents (I bet it exists).
As for the bowling, somehow our team is in third place overall out of eight teams. So I guess all the money spent will be worth it if we can claw our way to first place and beat all the uptight bowlers.
More likely, I'll get suspended for my behavior after I cough while someone is bowling. But I'll still have to pay the $10 a week.
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