Out in the cold alone

I used to think that people who said global warming was a myth were either the same polluters causing global warming in the first place or just plain wrong. But after the start of this winter, those people may be on to something.

Every winter is cold of course, but this winter seems colder than usual so far. Last week, we spent more time in the single and negative digits than above them. It was colder than Anne Coulter in a meat locker. And that’s pretty cold!

The cold temperatures have been especially hard on me for one single reason: I’m a huge wimp when it comes to dealing with the cold. I’ll be the first to admit it. I just can’t handle cold weather, and I always seem to feel colder than anyone else. Slap a pacifier in my mouth, because if you’re talking about dealing with cold weather, I’m a big, big baby.

This inability to stay warm made me realize something: I’m never going to be comfortably warm again until spring arrives. Maybe when I’m driving long distances, the heater at full blast will eventually warm my car up to an acceptable level. But other than that, I’m a Popsicle.

The insulation in the walls in my apartment seems to be about as thin as Kate Moss on a diet, so there is not much refuge from the cold at home. The Tribune office can get pretty cold too, as evidenced by the frost that was forming on the inside of the windows near my desk last week.

So I may not be comfortable again until at least March, but I must give credit to the people of Park County. Last Thursday in our “Look who’s talking” feature on the opinion page, the people on the street were downplaying the frigid temperatures like it was nothing when asked what they thought of the weather. Had I been asked the same question while standing outside, my answer would have read something like “(teeth chattering) It…It…It’s fffreeezing…(more teeth chattering, then fall to the ground and assume the fetal position).”

People in Park County don’t stay indoors to get away from the cold; they have Christmas parades in it! Whose idea was it to have a parade in the dead of winter? I actually went to the parade in Powell earlier this month, and it was so cold, as I approached Bent Street I saw a polar bear walking back towards his car, saying “you’re on your own.”

Maybe it won’t be as cold as it has been all winter long. But I’m not getting my hopes up. Fortunately, many Park County residents seem to be adept at handling the cold weather. For those that are, if you see a tall skinny guy on the sidewalk in the fetal position, if you could check to make sure he’s still breathing, he’d greatly appreciate it.